Indifference

I wish it were easier

For me to sink in

Into your thoughts

And scream you to sense

I wish you cared

As much as I do

And much wasn’t lost

In bouts of indifference

 

I wish I could end

This hurt you are in

And put everything back

To the places they belong

But no logic pervades

This universe of pain

You lock yourself in

Blocking all barring none.

 

Will everything ever be

The peaceful way it was

Will I ever smile with you

Laughing at the same things

Singing the same songs

Will you ever trust like you did

Like the world didn’t break you

Into infinite pieces of dust.

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On friendships

Sometimes it is the loneliness of this existence

That drives me to the brink of a depression so potent

And yet sometimes it is the multitude of humanity

That screams into my mind, an endless cacophony.

 

It seems my biggest struggle has been and will be,

The ‘managing’ of the people I love in my life.

To diplomatically push them away when I crave solitude

And emphatically drag them to me when I’m lonely.

 

It is a miracle to me how people put up with this shit

What love means to them, whether they ever doubt it.

I wonder if they believe I am selfish

I wonder if they wonder if I am worth it.

 

I count my blessings for the few friendships I have

Those of mighty perseverance, extraordinary grit

Those with the patience to deal with my rubbish

What makes you stay, I do not know

But I will always be grateful for it.

 

Beneath the Surface

When all the masks and facades fade

And all the lies are on the platform

For the world to see and judge

And you’re down on your knees

Begging. In your naked form.

 

You’re seen now only as you are.

That part of you carefully hidden

Scares me as much as it scares you.

Was the whole tryst worth it

That is the question.

 

You’re a human being

And human beings are filled with

All the evils imaginable

And do not open that Pandora’s box

Unless you’re prepared for the storm

On wisdom

Hey stranger

Don’t promise me as you do

Don’t talk about eternal love

And don’t mention about forever.

You seem to be new to society

And the way humans interact

Not idly did my hair get this gray.

Don’t be so silly, don’t be so thick

That you actually believe in forever

Everything is fickle. Be a chameleon.

Live in the now, the present,

And no past can teach better

Than unkept promises of permanence.

On introspection

Each one of you

 

Is some percent void and some percent light

And forever the two poles are at war

Your soul is the general of both armies

And your consciousness is the only buffer.

 

You are biased, aren’t you?

Some days the void wins.

Some days the light prevails.

 

Only you can stop the void from consuming your consciousness

Only you can stop the light from bleaching away your mind.

 

Only you can maintain that crucial equilibrium

Only you can preserve yourself in peace.

On memories

Not a hundred bad days can take this from me

This moment of euphoria. Unhindered gaiety.

The kind of laughter that hurts your tummy.

After a while, you don’t even need a reason.

Your mind can make you laugh at anything.

 

‘Tis a fleeting moment, frozen forever in time

Etched in my memory like a quaint carving

And although so many memories blur and fade

This remains crystal clear, and recurs readily

Filling the daily monotones with hues of respite.

 

Not a hundred bad days, a million mistakes,

No kind of hurt, and no amount of pain

Can take the beauty of this moment away.

 

On humour

 

So many layers of smiles, laughter

Laughter that reaches your eyes

And stays there like an imprint

Your very own brand of sarcasm

Ready wit, and non stop puns.

 

And underneath layers and layers

Is a scared little boy crying.

 

Who thinks himself worthless

Who would never show his hurt

Unless it is masked as a joke.

So the world will laugh. Only laugh.

Like your life is a joke. It’s not.