Nevermore

You’re gone so far away, and each year you fade more and more into the foggy corners of my memory.

And my brain teaches me to remember the happier you, when your eyes used to shine.

When you used to sing with such delight like the song has infiltrated your very soul and you cannot bear to hold it in.

But in sleep your pain comes through as if telling me that all was not for vain.

That you are better off as a pile of ashes drifting away like dust.

And that song with your soul in it, becomes you- vibrations in the air melting together as a harmony.

The world is damping you with passing time, and very soon you will not be heard anymore.

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On death

And the last thing I ever wanted

Was for you to go through what I did

I want to wrap you in walls of love

With patronuses on patrol duty

Seasons of spring and rain and sun

And all that you love, everything fun.

 

If I could I would hide every kind of pain

And mute all those bloody loud sirens

And fill your ears with songs of beauty

Till you tire of smiling, tire of being happy.

I wish I could make you feel less helpless

I wish I could tell you to not lose hope

That fairytales were true, with some faith

And the good God above is benevolent.

 

I can do nothing for you, but love you

While you face the fire that is these times

I can handle your thoughts in the aftermath

And give you every ounce of strength I’ve got.

Indifference

I wish it were easier

For me to sink in

Into your thoughts

And scream you to sense

I wish you cared

As much as I do

And much wasn’t lost

In bouts of indifference

 

I wish I could end

This hurt you are in

And put everything back

To the places they belong

But no logic pervades

This universe of pain

You lock yourself in

Blocking all barring none.

 

Will everything ever be

The peaceful way it was

Will I ever smile with you

Laughing at the same things

Singing the same songs

Will you ever trust like you did

Like the world didn’t break you

Into infinite pieces of dust.

On friendships

Sometimes it is the loneliness of this existence

That drives me to the brink of a depression so potent

And yet sometimes it is the multitude of humanity

That screams into my mind, an endless cacophony.

 

It seems my biggest struggle has been and will be,

The ‘managing’ of the people I love in my life.

To diplomatically push them away when I crave solitude

And emphatically drag them to me when I’m lonely.

 

It is a miracle to me how people put up with this shit

What love means to them, whether they ever doubt it.

I wonder if they believe I am selfish

I wonder if they wonder if I am worth it.

 

I count my blessings for the few friendships I have

Those of mighty perseverance, extraordinary grit

Those with the patience to deal with my rubbish

What makes you stay, I do not know

But I will always be grateful for it.

 

Beneath the Surface

When all the masks and facades fade

And all the lies are on the platform

For the world to see and judge

And you’re down on your knees

Begging. In your naked form.

 

You’re seen now only as you are.

That part of you carefully hidden

Scares me as much as it scares you.

Was the whole tryst worth it

That is the question.

 

You’re a human being

And human beings are filled with

All the evils imaginable

And do not open that Pandora’s box

Unless you’re prepared for the storm

On wisdom

Hey stranger

Don’t promise me as you do

Don’t talk about eternal love

And don’t mention about forever.

You seem to be new to society

And the way humans interact

Not idly did my hair get this gray.

Don’t be so silly, don’t be so thick

That you actually believe in forever

Everything is fickle. Be a chameleon.

Live in the now, the present,

And no past can teach better

Than unkept promises of permanence.