Pudchya Varshi Laukar Ya

Something makes me stop in my tracks and stare into your eyes.

For that second that our eyes meet, I seem to forget much.

In forgetting, I remember some. All my prayers come back to me.

I remember wondering why you loved modaks, or travelled by mice.

That I do prefer buses myself. To each their own.

I remember wondering how powerful you were, with all that flab.

I recall pitying your mooshik vahan, the one blessed with a curse

I remember praying for peace. I remember singing songs

So many songs in your praise. Then praying in the end for peace.

I remember reading obituaries and repeating their names to you.

Demanding, as if I had that right, to give them peace.

All this while you were silent. Your silence comforted me.

But then one day I needed peace. I needed it to save my sanity.

I looked at you and searched. I dug deep within the clay.

I reached the very core, and all I saw was my own tears.

I sang those songs, but they did not give me back my peace.

I begged and threw tantrums at your feet. On and on to no end.

Those eyes that once radiated peace and an innate understanding

Now reflected a profound sadness. And so I shunned you.

In my eyes you had no superpower. You were ordinary now.

But even now, so many years later when I see your idols worshipped

I see people celebrating your welcome and your farewell.

There is much fanfare and dancing and music and happiness.

I try to shield it with all the science I’ve learnt, it’s clay isn’t it.

Clay that’s moulded and painted over. It’s merely a product of patience.

There is no ‘God’ in there. There’s just mud a d paint and chemicals

A hundred pollutants, loads of money, blitzy decorations

And yet, when I pass by you to continue my un- religious life

I can’t help but stop for a moment to stare at you. Those eyes.

I forget everything. I remember everything. It is a cascade of memories.

A whirlpool of emotions. I see as much confusion in you as I myself feel.

I see my newfound peace vibrant in your poise. Your calm calms me.

Sometimes I see you when you aren’t even there. I’m an atheist.

I realise that there is no you and there is no me. There is just one.

And you are tied to me just as I am tied to you. You are not a superpower.

You are an extrapolation of the science that I worship.

You are the personification of all introspection.

You are a reflection.

You are a projection.

You’re a quark.

You’re the universe.

You are everything and everything is you.

You’re a thought shaped like an elephant face over a human body.

There is just you and nothing else.

Ganesh Chaturti


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