Something makes me stop in my tracks and stare into your eyes.
For that second that our eyes meet, I seem to forget much.
In forgetting, I remember some. All my prayers come back to me.
I remember wondering why you loved modaks, or travelled by mice.
That I do prefer buses myself. To each their own.
I remember wondering how powerful you were, with all that flab.
I recall pitying your mooshik vahan, the one blessed with a curse
I remember praying for peace. I remember singing songs
So many songs in your praise. Then praying in the end for peace.
I remember reading obituaries and repeating their names to you.
Demanding, as if I had that right, to give them peace.
All this while you were silent. Your silence comforted me.
But then one day I needed peace. I needed it to save my sanity.
I looked at you and searched. I dug deep within the clay.
I reached the very core, and all I saw was my own tears.
I sang those songs, but they did not give me back my peace.
I begged and threw tantrums at your feet. On and on to no end.
Those eyes that once radiated peace and an innate understanding
Now reflected a profound sadness. And so I shunned you.
In my eyes you had no superpower. You were ordinary now.
But even now, so many years later when I see your idols worshipped
I see people celebrating your welcome and your farewell.
There is much fanfare and dancing and music and happiness.
I try to shield it with all the science I’ve learnt, it’s clay isn’t it.
Clay that’s moulded and painted over. It’s merely a product of patience.
There is no ‘God’ in there. There’s just mud a d paint and chemicals
A hundred pollutants, loads of money, blitzy decorations
And yet, when I pass by you to continue my un- religious life
I can’t help but stop for a moment to stare at you. Those eyes.
I forget everything. I remember everything. It is a cascade of memories.
A whirlpool of emotions. I see as much confusion in you as I myself feel.
I see my newfound peace vibrant in your poise. Your calm calms me.
Sometimes I see you when you aren’t even there. I’m an atheist.
I realise that there is no you and there is no me. There is just one.
And you are tied to me just as I am tied to you. You are not a superpower.
You are an extrapolation of the science that I worship.
You are the personification of all introspection.
You are a reflection.
You are a projection.
You’re a quark.
You’re the universe.
You are everything and everything is you.
You’re a thought shaped like an elephant face over a human body.
There is just you and nothing else.