Of made up dolls and zombies

I struggle; I sniff around this home,

Some sign of her, some hair on a comb

Doesn’t take long, realisation dawns,

I fucked up, I did, she’s gone.

 

 

(She said)

Maybe I don’t even exist at all,

Maybe I’m just a made up doll

In a made up world in a made up

Universe.   Maybe I’m a robot.

Maybe I follow rules, made by some fools,

Simply because.  Maybe I should stop.

Maybe I should just let go,

And present them with my show

That’s what the world needs

Drama, pain, fear, that’s what they feed.

 

(I said)

She was my life, but her life was dead.

Torn apart by bacteria on decayed bread

She wanted to die, she wanted to win

Eh, maybe she did.

No, I am talking like her now

Remember the countless how’s

And even more numerous why’s.

But hey, no one will mourn me

Dunno what I have done, I really dunno

Whether it is my fault or theirs, who knows

Just another person having trouble feeling

With the things I feel. I must be a zombie

I couldn’t possibly be real.

 

(She said)

What’s the point in life?

Just be another housewife,

Just keep living until you die

It’s like a fucking treadmill

I am running up the hill

And I don’t know why, I

Do this useless exercise.

And this world likes its rebels

Its okay if they do well, or else

They destroy you, yes they do,

The entire universe fucking excretes

Their giant shitpile out onto you

They flush it down without a glance

Hey, you were always looked at askance

So swallow the shit down, that’s a good girl

Nope, I say fuck you to the whole wide world.

 

(I say)

I tried to convince her

But I couldn’t even convince myself

I was the only person she ever turned for help

And I couldn’t, I wasn’t verbose enough

I tried to tell her I cared

I tried to tell her I would be there

But she didn’t need me,

Nobody does.

I dunno what she needed

A strong guy, a selfish guy

A heartless guy, maybe a girl

Why of all the population in the world

Did she have to choose me?

I am the reason for this whole mess

She came to me for help

And I was helpless.

 

(She says)

I went to him, I don’t know why

Guess a decent human being is hard to find

I told him everything, I showed him everything

He was what I expected him to be

It was sad to see how much he loved me

Maybe there is some joy in this thing after all

There’s too much in me to be a made up doll

But it still hurts too much

And I cannot live as such

And I have to go, I am thinking

Poisonous atmosphere that I am drinking

Breathing, I don’t really care.

My work is done, think I did fair

And I wouldn’t regret anything I did

Anything at all

Except for him, except his love.

And I know he will blame himself

For being so helpless

But hey, you made my last days so good

Its just that I love myself more than I love you

You don’t deserve to be here, you know

And I know, I know that what I say is true

Utopia is made up of people like you.

 

(I say)

Words that hurt, words that pain

Don’t ever wanna go through this shit again

And when she died, a part of me died too

And though there is no point, I gotta live

I gotta see life through.

She didn’t win, she lost the game. 

She lost it because she did not have an aim

But I know what I will do,

I will play their game, play by their rules.

And win, the ultimate fuck you.

I’ll win, I’ll win it for you.

 

I struggle; I sniff around this home,

Some sign of her, some hair on a comb

Doesn’t take long, realisation dawns,

I fucked up, I did, she’s gone.

 

I have NO idea why wordpress always fucks up my carefully constructed layouts.

meeh,

 

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