Got God?

Anyway, what am I gonna be writing about? It can be said in two ways.

1- I dont have anything to do.

2- The enormous and and the almost obnoxiously abominable futility of praying to God.

Thats about it. 😛

 

Okay. We pray to God for a variety of reasons, from the next class test, to the next major exam, to the girl/guy/woah you like, to your sick dog, to your sick parent’s uncle’s daughter in law’s mother’s mother’s cousin, who is about to die. *Breaths* From praying for the best gifts on your birthday, to praying, really really hard so that your dad who is in the battlefield comes back with nothing more than a scar, to praying at a wedding that the newly weds be happy ever after, to praying at a funeral for the dead departed soul. In short, we more or less succeed in making God very busy. Very busy. So busy, in fact, that God get’s an excuse to why he never answers the prayers. He does not, by the way. He never does.

 

Why? God is just a lazy sonofabitch. Who has time to answer prayers when you have the best and beautiful sashaying up there in heaven? Where there is tastier food than my own? Where Mario is still played? Where there is no stupid religion, to confuse us? Where you do not really feel the burden of the sky. I always maintain we are Atlas’ in our own ways, only he has to hold up the sky, and we have to hold up our life. ‘Tis a heavy burden, it is.

 

Anyway, what I am about to say is that praying to God is an absolute waste of time. Why? Simple. God rarely listens to prayers, and if he does, he does not answer them. I would not blame him, there is a certain conflict of interest, actually. I cite the Ramayana as an example. Thats because I have spent many years wondering about the one strange flaw I saw in it, a flaw which I am very proud for having found out. Of course, there is this whole hoo-hah about a flaw relating to the birth of Krishna, which I shall add as an interesting anecdote.

 

Kamsa heard a prophecy when he was drivin’ his sister and her husband to jail, which basically said that their seventh child would be the one to kill him. Wierd, is it not, that he so readily believed something the sky said. Wierd. Still, what would the logical thing to be done? Put them in a jail with nothing but their own company of course..

 

Why he did not have one more jail to seperate the two newly-weds is beyond my comprehension. If they were in seperate cells, then voila!! No first child, no second child, no third child and so on and so forth till no seventh child. Problem solved!! Of course, Kamsa did not have the modicum of intelligence  required to handle something as simple as that. A chastity belt would have worked fine, too. Wierd why he did not think of any of those.

 

Anyway, the Ramayana is a completely different story. Raavana, the primary antagonist, was actually a devout devotee of none other than Shiva, who happens to be a God. Ram, the primary protagonist, was Vishnu himself. So you would expect a battle between two Gods, Shiva and Vishnu, both to protect their main source of flowers and other stuff. Nope.

 

Nothing like that. A few arrows were enough to bring down Raavan. He died as he prayed to his God to not die.

 

He had a son, Indrajeet, I think, who actually died in a temple. Amazing, that God just allowed him to die.

 

Greek mythology is replete with instances where the Gods dont care a flying piece of shit for prayers. Even family does not come first. So Anteas, who basically kills people and makes a temple from their skulls to his father is royally ignored by his father, but Hercules, who basically is hated by everyone and everybody, gets to break the heart of the Gods. WOW. Achilles, whom everybody dislikes, gets to be the most powerful hero in the history of heroes.  Kronos’ son is Chiron, who is the teacher of the demi-gods, which is hardly a punishment. Calypso, on the other hand, Atlas’ daughter is banished from all human kind and sent to a lonely island with basically no amenities whatsoever. Zeus, or Hera as some people say, throws his own child on a mountain because, well because he is ugly. Thanks dad.

 

You know what you say when you pray to God if you say the Gayatri Mantra? Swami Vivekanand gave out this absolute gem, and I hope they meant this when the wrote it down all those thousands of years ago,

We meditate on the glory of that Being who has produced this universe; may He enlighten our minds.

Amazing. WOW. So thoughtful, so mind-numbingly brilliant. A work of pure genius, this thing here is. And trust me, I have said it so many times in my life till now, and I will for so many times later on, that I have a more than justified feeling of hatred over it. Okay, this mantra basically invokes God and pleads that He may enlighten our minds. Not bad. But pray will someone tell me why I have to repeat this over a 1000 times once a year, and a hundred plus every day else. I stopped doing sandhyavandanam the minute I realised it was basically invented to give bhramin boys a superiority complex.

 

*Nudge* I am awesome. I am closer to God. I will go to heaven. You all kachrawalas will really have to work, but it does not matter to me. I can be a murderer. I can be a rapist. Why, I can be a con-artist, dressed up as a sadhu and getting pots of money from fat old women who still believe in God. Does not matter. Why? I have said the Gayatri mantra, amigo. I get a straight pass to heaven. Envy me? You should.

 

The Gayatri mantra has to be one of the biggest farces ever pulled in the history of farces. I mean, look at it!! It’s like the God’s said that the amount of times the Gayatri mantra said is directly proportional to your devotion to God. The more you say it, the more cheaper your railway ticket is. You know what the Gayatri mantra gives you? A sore throat.

 

Do not think I am singling a particular religion out here. Almost every prayer of almost every religion of almost every age and generation frequently asks the almighty Lord to forgive our ‘sins’

As our con-artists grew older, they added more to that lovely column called ‘Sins.’ Indeed they found some sadistic enjoyment in doing so. In the years that followed, divorce, homosexuality, talking back to parents, killing murderers, abusing the person who rammed into your car, drinking alcohol, suicide, watching porn, making love, atheism, communism, mobiles, movies, you get the idea. All have been ‘sin’ one time or the other.

 

The immaculately formed values of Jainism and Buddhism are an example. They said that being a good person was not enough. You had to remove your clothes, shed your family and responsibilites, eat nothing but stray leaves, beg for money, grow long years, and then die. Wow. What a wonderful life.

 

Mendicancy? No thanks.

 

I conclude. I fold my hands in frustation, every morning. I pray sometimes. Sometimes I google out the meaning of those meaningless pieces of prose from a forgotten language. Sometimes I ask Him why he needs all of this. Is it not God’s duty to take care of us? He does a damn bad job anyway. And I ask you, what exactly is a sin?

 

Is murdering the person who killed your entire family a sin?

Is extorting a guy who earns more money than the entire government and pays no taxes a sin?

Is commiting suicide after the only one you lived for spurns you a sin?

Is sniping down the guy who raped your daughter a sin?

Is tatooing the name of… Wait. Is tatooing a sin?

Is not believing in a God who never shows up a sin?

Is calling a bitch a bitch a sin?

Is robbing to feed your family a sin?

What the fuck is a sin, anyway?

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4 thoughts on “Got God?

  1. Funny how religious people think you can pray things away. I hope we never have a leader who is sitting in his office praying for the “bad shit” to go away. It is also interesting to discuss the notion of “sin” . Anyone with half a brain can see this notion of sin was designed to control people’s actions. furthermore, the Christian people that are controlled by this notion have no idea on how the idea of “sin ” was created. If someone could only tell them that a group of Middle Eastern men decided one day that they wanted to control a specific region then maybe they would give it up. After all, Christians often thicken that the Middle East is home to all of the bad things in their world. That is how the crusades started. Ironic to think that their holy writ is a piece of middle eastern literature. I love to see the faces of Christians when telling the that the Bible was wholly written in the middle east. They often just start shouting and disagreeing with me. I t must be quite a handicap to lead your life in fear of a notion that is neither real nor tangible. I hope people start “waking the fuck up” soon and we finally put and end to the folly that is monotheism (not that polytheism is any better). If the majority of us can let our imaginary friends go when we are children, then perhaps these adults can let their imaginary friend go?

  2. Thanks for reading. 🙂
    Sin, as a concept is something which could have been, you know, invented by those misguided idealists who thought the world as morons and wanted to keep them that way. Its become a monopolized industry now, religion, especially in India, where control is all but handed over to a few ‘well-meaning’ citizens.
    The problem then becomes one of economy, since religion is thickly tied with money. The Tirupati temple is the second richest temple in the world, and they generate millions, in a day. The new generation, maybe, can change all this, but I am really unsure. Still, its inevitable that eventually, mankind will sit up and recognize the lies that is religion. 🙂

  3. This made me giggle over the clearheadded accuracy of your statements 😛 a bit cynical but it cut through the crap in a entertainingly straightforward manner with a (this sounds dumb) really deep, good thought process. Bravo! If words like these flow off your pen so easily than you sound like you were born to be a journalist.
    and Yes, I will be spamming you, coz I locked myself out of the Tower (45% regret) and it’s miles better than the rubbish slash fanfictions that’s the alternative.

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